Mom is Just a Nickname

My first interview is up on my other blog! It features Lori, maker of fine Nursing Necklaces!

Nine years ago, today, I birthed my first child. Can it really be so long ago?

The night before, it was a Friday night, I started feeling really uncomfortable. Things were happening, I knew. My mucus plug came out, my back was hurting more than normal, and my contractions were coming pretty regularly but they weren’t all that strong. Topher had gone to bed, and I started chatting with friends online.

When the contractions were getting closer together and I thought we’d be going to the hospital soon, I signed off with my friends and got Topher up. But after I called the hospital, I decided that the contractions weren’t really strong enough for me to go in yet. I figured I’d try to get some more rest before the BIG EVENT. Toph had showered and was now too awake to go back to bed. So HE got online and started chatting with the same set of friends….They gave him the hardest time about being ONLINE when his wife was in labor!

Well, finally, morning rolled around, and we continued with our original plans to have brunch with Toph’s parents. We went to Ponderosa. My mother in law was watching me, noticing that I was only eating soup and some rolls. She also noticed how I kept shifting in my seat. She asked a few times if I was ok, and I just smiled and nodded.

After brunch, we went back to the inlaws’ house to continue visiting with them. I’m really not sure how long we were there, but we decided it was time to go so that Topher could take a nap. I got up to use the restroom, came back and sat back down in the recliner. I felt, more than heard, this mysterious *POP*! It felt like my bladder had leaked a bit when I sat down, but yet…not. Well, I hurried Topher out of the house, saying our goodbyes.

He suggested I should drive since he had not slept much last night. So, I open up the driver side door, and lean in and say, “Sure, I’ll drive. Put one of those waterproof sheets down on the seat first though, ok?” He looked at me funny and said, “Why?” “I think my water broke while we were in there.” He gave this huge sigh and said, “I’m not going to get my nap, am I?” I laughed and shook my head.

I remember thinking about my mom during the time it took us to drive home (a whole 2 or 3 minutes) and remembering stories of her vacuuming after her water broke when she was having my sister. I never could figure out how she could have been vacuuming, of all things, after her water broke! I figured water breaks, you go to the hospital as fast you can, right? I finally got it. We went home, got the bag we had packed, made sure the cats were set, I changed my clothes and put on a pad to catch the leaks (I hadn’t had a full out gush). THEN, we left for the hospital (which was a whole five minutes down the road).

As we were getting out of the car at the hospital, I began to realize that labor was very aptly named. I was beginning to get stronger contractions, and lucky me, it quickly became obvious that I was going to have back labor. I don’t think I felt a single contraction in my belly from that point forward. All I remember is the horrid cramping in my back, like a period on steroids!

From there I remember going up to the Maternity Ward in the hospital (third floor, was it?) and I was shown to a L&D room. After getting on a gown and being hooked up to an IV (to stay hydrated, I guess), I was told that my doctor wanted me to walk. This was, after all, my first baby and it would take awhile for her to get there. At the same time that they sent me into the hall to walk, they sent my husband (the only support person I had there with me) down to registration to fill out paperwork. I reluctantly walked. I found myself in exquisite pain and checked with the nurses for the whereabouts of my husband. He wasn’t back yet, keep on walking, I was told. I begged for someone to walk with me, and was told that there was no one available. I walked as far as a rocking chair tucked into a nook and I sat there until Topher came back. As soon as he was there, I made a beeline for the room I’d been assigned.

I was cranky, feeling neglected by the nursing staff, and I was IN PAIN! I made sure Topher knew it, I made sure the nurses knew it. It was around this time, I think, that I began asking for something to help ease the pain. The timeline here gets a little fuzzy, not to mention confused with my second birth which took place in the same hospital.

I guess the nurse checked me and found I was only at about 5 or 6 cm dilated. She went about their business. As I recall, they had another lady in labor at the same time. I think I started getting loud and I was told to keep it down or something, which made me snarl back.

I remember I started feeling like I had to push. I was told I couldn’t push because the doctor wasn’t there yet. I said, “Better get here then, cuz this kid is coming!” I was told “no, no, we just checked you and you weren’t dilated enough.” “Check me again! I’m telling you, I have to push!” So, they did and sure enough, I was at about 9cm. “Call the doctor! Quick, the baby’s coming!”

I had issues staying concious, I’m not sure if I was hyper or hypo ventilating…I was given an oxygen mask to wear with that delivery. Once the doctor was there, there was some tension. The baby’s shoulder was stuck on my pelvis and the doctor had to do some maneuvering to get her unstuck. She finally did arrive though, after FIVE HOURS of labor from water breaking to delivery….not bad for a first timer, eh?

We called my husband’s parents from the delivery room. Toph greeted his father by saying, “Hi, Grandpa!” And his dad thought he was joking around, teasing him…until he heard the baby crying in the background. Then he was astounded and excited and ….well, we told them we’d call and let them know when we had been moved to a room, but they knew where our room was before we got there….they were waiting at the door for us!

Luckily they came with food in hand, so we forgave them. And that was the day our daughter was born. She was 8lbs. 4.5 ounces and 21 inches long. She was born with a shock of dark, straight hair. She was beautiful.

Then:

And now:

She still is beautiful, don’t you think?

Happy 9th Birthday, Jillian!

Lori makes nursing necklaces.  That doesn’t do them justice though.  Truthfully, her necklaces are works of art.  She can look at a picture of the Northern Lights and translate it into a beautiful necklace or communicate a child’s family story on a string of beads. She does all of this with the colors and symbols of the beads she chooses when she makes the necklace.  The string of beads is special, though, not only because it’s been tested by the Consumer Product Safety Commission, but because it’s a keepsake that will remain with the child long after he or she is done nursing.  I wanted to know more about the woman behind the nursing necklaces, so I asked. 

Lori has been married for 17 years to her college sweetheart. After waiting 10 years, they have had two children:  Konur, born in 2001 and Mali, born in 2004.  They include in their family their Golden Retriever mix, Sam who passed over in 2004 at the age of 16 years and Gabby who is a German Shepherd mix born in 2002.  She considers her first two children to be the lions she raised from cubs and who consider her their mother:  Shaka, who passed over in 1995 and Lia, who passed over in 2004. 

She has her own style of parenting but it closely fits with attachment parenting.  She says, “I am pretty crunchy, meaning I practice gentle discipline, attachment parenting, child led weaning, cloth diapering, home schooling, and home birthing.”  She finds the following sites useful: Kelly Mom , Dr. Sears , The University of Notre Dame Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab, and The Natural Child Project .

 wfg: How did your time with the lions help shape the way you parent today?

Lori: With lion cubs, you HAVE to be AP because the point of hand raising them is so they will attach themselves to the human handler. We wanted them to recognize me as Mama Lion so they could be handled by humans and not completely freak out. What we didn’t do was to socialize them with many other people when they were small cubs, so the last thing they wanted to do was be with anyone other than me. So, with my children I have let them stay attached to me, while encouraging them to be with other people and comfortable with them.  

I also learned that your children aren’t really yours, you borrow them, and no matter how many agreements you make with your favorite Deity, you could lose them forever. I learned to savor the moments, as they may never come again.  

 wfg: Why did you decide to home school/unschool? 

 Lori: It was a gradual decision. I started talking to other people who were home schooling and many of them were former elementary school teachers. I also researched the government policies and the crime rate/gangs in the local elementary schools. I feel that until high school, I am the best teacher for my children. They will have the choice at that point to go to a public school or stay home. 

 wfg: What are your hobbies? How do you integrate your hobbies into your day?  Do your kids participate with you?   

 Lori: I am pagan, so I like to read about history and spiritual practices and rituals. I am very interested in the Egyptian Deities right now. I am also working out again; I guess that’s a hobby. 

 I try to get library books of stories about Ancient Egypt to read to the children. They get to learn more about the Deities and so do I. Since I work out in front of the kids, they do generally join me for a few minutes and then go back to playing. I think it’s important for children to see their parents exercising to know what a healthy and active lifestyle looks like. Parents don’t need to “work out” but at least be active and show that to their children. When I am in better shape, and have dropped some weight, I want to join a sport or maybe belly dancing so it’s not just me in my home doing this, but showing the application of being in shape. 

wfg: Are you living the life you thought you’d be living?

Lori: Nope. When I was in high school, I thought I would be doing research in some far off country. I have a BS in Zoology and wanted to study animals. Then I got a job working with lions and tigers and was promised a house on a preserve. That was a HARD dream to let die, or at least put on the back burner. When I left there, I had no dreams at all and went through a pretty bad depression. I finally started to move on and got pregnant. I thought I would do the whole career and mom thing, but once he was born I knew that wasn’t what I wanted to do. This is but one phase of my life; I am enjoying this part and I look forward to the next one!  

wfg: What do you hope to do after you’ve moved on from this phase in your life?  (Or where do you see yourself when your kids are older?)

Lori: Right now, I am in the “home schooling” phase with a little bit about my personal life. When they are a little older, I want to get into wild life rescue and then possibly exotic animal rescue. There are still states in the country where you can buy a big exotic animal like a lion or tiger so there is still a need for sanctuaries for these animals. I may also look into work at a zoo, since I have a bachelor’s in zoology.     

Thank you, Lori, for taking the time to answer my questions so I could share some of your story with the world.   

This is only a slice of Lori’s life!  Visit her website for more about her and her personalized nursing necklaces!  You can also find her on Etsy!