About the anniversaries, I’ve always said that the anticipation is often worse than the day itself. I had almost forgotten what day today was until I saw the date on my previous post. December 14th. How could I forget?
On December 14th, seven years ago, my son Sullivan’s life changed forever, along with my own and the rest of our families’ lives. On December 14th, 2000, Sullivan experienced his “near miss SIDS” incident and began the journey that led eventually to his death in 2002. On December 14th, 2000, the little baby I was coming to know and love died, and a new baby was put in his place. The new baby, although I loved him too, was very different from the one I’d given birth to. He needed more care, more medical attention. He was perfectly Sullivan, whether before or after his incident, but I still wonder what he would be like today if he hadn’t experienced that incident.
What ifs and might have beens can break the heart if we dwell on them too long. I’ve got too much to do, and am too close to the bottom of my barrel to allow myself to wallow in them today. But I never forget. We love you still, Sullivan. We love you in all the many forms you came to us, from newborn baby to the almost two year old who could finally fight no more. You showed us love and strength, and brought out the best in so many of us. You renewed hope for some. You inspired many and continue to do so today. I’m so thankful I had the chance to know you, to love you, and to care for you for so long.
You can read my version of what happened to Sullivan on Dec. 14th 2000 at this site or more information about his life at his site, which sadly hasn’t really been updated since his death.
December 14th, 2007 at 5:40 pm - Edit
Wow. I just read a bunch of stuff, and looked at some pictures on those two websites you linked to. I cannot even imagine how trying that time must have been.
December 15th, 2007 at 12:27 am - Edit
do yourself a favor… don’t try to imagine. i know i must sound somewhat crass in saying that, and i apologize in as much as i do, but don’t torture yourself needlessly. it was rough enough having to live through it, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone, no need to put yourself through it in an imaginary vein either. :/
December 16th, 2007 at 2:45 am - Edit
I kept remembering throughout the day, tried to put it back out of my mind, and would suddenly creep back in. I made sure I was good and busy that day with - hanging out with a long-time friend that I don’t see often. I hope I hid it from her. I’ll never forget the call I got that day and being the first one to arrive at Toledo Children’s Hospital not knowing exactly what was up . . . the stuff nightmares are made of, that’s for sure.
Life is for the living, I remind myself, and try not to dwell. It isn’t easy on days like that!
Hope things go smoother for you today!