Mom is Just a Nickname

I’m all about making things that are easy to put together. I don’t mind if it has to simmer awhile or if it has to stew in the crockpot all day, or even if it has to bake all day, as long as it is quick for me to throw into the pot or crock or pan.

When I look at new recipes, I look at a few things to determine it’s appropriateness for my kitchen: are the ingredients relatively easy and inexpensive to acquire? [or, even better, are they already in my cabinets?] Are the instructions easy to read and follow? Do I have all the equipment necessary to make this? If the answer is no to one of these questions, I may investigate further to see if it’s something I really want to make. If the answer is yes to all of these, then we’re in business….and the most important question of all is asked at some point in this: Will Toph and I eat this?

Unfortunately our favorite quick meal is *hangs head in shame* frozen pizza. Followed closely by things like macaroni and cheese, hot dogs and beans or grilled cheese. We’ve been trying to make these more into planned meals than desperation meals so that we don’t fix them all the time out of laziness. At least, that’s been MY personal goal.

There are other great quick meals that don’t come out of a package though. Quesadillas (another ‘Q’!) are one. I watched a young friend of our family make them one day and he inspired me. Throw some butter in the pan [low heat], throw a tortilla on top. While it’s sizzling away, toss on your favorite ingredients. Toph and I like already cooked chicken (diced or shredded), cheddar cheese, onions and sliced green and red bell peppers. The kids prefer to have theirs without the onions and peppers, naturally. I put most of the ingredients on just half of the tortilla, cheese on the whole thing. When the tortilla has browned to my satisfaction and the cheese is melted and bubbly, I fold it in half and serve. I like mine with a little bit of salsa, sour cream and guacamole if I’ve made some with a salad on the side.

Other things like taco salad, spaghetti and my white beans and pasta make excellent quick meals. They’ve been helping to change the meaning of the phrase from ‘desperation packaged meal’ to something more homemade and delicious.

As is my habit, I followed links to new blogs today. I found one, my semblance of Sanity, that held a story of a little boy who recently died of brain cancer. The mom of the little boy was a friend of the blogger (through the blogosphere? I assumed). I read his story, the mom’s words, the poetry…I had to stop. I had to physically get up from the computer and walk away.

The stories of these tiny children and their families fighting such impossible odds break my heart. Or a better way to say it may be that they take what’s left of my already broken heart and crush it into tinier pieces. Let’s face it, my heart was broken many moons ago when Sullivan died…the breaking started two years before that when he stopped breathing that cold December day and was resuscitated a different child.

I can’t help but read these stories. I can’t help but drop a note or a comment to the parents of these children. Nothing usually comes of it, but maybe they can see that they aren’t alone. Maybe they can see that their world will eventually mend itself around the hole left by their children’s absence. Maybe they just think I’m a nutcase stranger writing them out of the blue.

Maybe I do it just so I can pick at my own wounds and let them bleed awhile. The grief that other parents express is something I can relate to. I don’t display it every day, but I too have that deep well of sorrow that nothing ever heals. I try to live well because I feel that was what Sullivan tried to teach me throughout his time with us. To live well, to show our love, to share our experience. Still, too many days I exist, rather than live.

I feel even more deeply for the families that have lost a child after fighting a long illness. Coping with such a situation is the hardest thing I have ever done. We had months of living hour by hour, day by day, just surviving. We didn’t think too far ahead because the future was so uncertain. And day to day living was more about making sure our children’s needs were met than about being sure our own needs were met. We were exhausted, sick from not taking care of ourselves.

So, when we were saying our goodbyes to Sullivan, there was grief but also a sense of relief. A release, if you will, from the heavy toil and responsibility. And at the time, it seemed horribly selfish to admit to that. It felt like some sort of terrible betrayal to admit that I was glad that now that my son was dead, I could leave the “Waiting Place” and move on with life. I was thankful that I could again sleep all night long in my own bed, with my husband beside me.

It was release from a burden that I willingly carried, but release it was. I can hardly describe Sullivan as a burden either, for the joy he gave even on the last of his days was far greater than any difficulties he caused. To feel his tiny hands tangle in my hair to squeeze me back in a hug; oh to feel that again.

Xavier likes to play with my hair now. It reminds me of Sullivan. So many things remind me of him, but the stories that are told in memory or tribute to a child who has died, they bring so many of these feelings so close to the surface. So many days I end up lost in a funk because of reading these things….but I just can’t help but read them, time and again.

Florida Primaries today…..if you live in FL, go vote! I really don’t care what party you vote for, just go cast your ballot.

this is has been a public service announcement from wfg. we now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

This was a hard choice for me because there are so many foods that start with ‘P’ that I love! Pizza, pasta, potatoes, pickles, pesto….the list goes on. Pasta is such a versatile food, though, and one our family would be lost without.

Pasta comes in more shapes than I can think of. Vermicelli, linguini, lasagna, ravioli, macaroni, spaghetti, rotini, and couscous are all names for pasta, and there are plenty more names to describe it. They are made of the same basic ingredients (flour, water and salt) although other things like eggs or spinach can be added for different flavors. The differences in all of the pastas are defined more by shape than ingredients.

When I was small I remember making pasta from scratch at my grandparents’ house. I seem to recall a lot of family was gathered for the event. What I most vividly, and proudly, remember was making ravioli. We pressed out the dough, put little balls of filling in their places on the dough, then placed another pressed out piece of dough on top. Then we …well, did we run it through the pasta maker to press it into the shape or did we press it ourselves to cut it? I can’t even remember for sure. I suspect it went through the pasta machine and then we cut it. It was a long time ago.

What I remember so well was being handed the bag full of the pasta I had made to take home to eat. I think it went into the freezer until we had it for dinner one night. I don’t remember actually eating it, though. Isn’t that crazy? I was very proud of having helped my grandma make it, though. I’d like to make pasta again some day.

For now, I’ll settle for buying my pasta at the store and thinking of new ways to prepare it. I make one recipe which I was really afraid would meet with resistence in these parts, because it’s vegetarian. To my surprise, Toph requests it go on the menu on a fairly regular basis. We call it ‘White Beans and Pasta” which I guess isn’t very exciting, but it is descriptive.

Ingredients:
1 package pasta (we use a wheat blend pasta, usually rotini)
1 can white beans, drained and rinsed (usually great northern beans here)
1 green pepper, chopped
1/2 onion, chopped
3-5 cloves of garlic, chopped
1 can diced tomatoes, do not drain (we’ve been liking fire roasted varieties)
flavor to taste (I use parsley, oregano and basil mostly)
olive oil

Put water for pasta on to boil as soon as veggies are chopped. Cook pasta according to package directions. In another pan, saute green pepper, onion, and garlic in olive oil until crispy-tender. Add diced tomatoes, beans and herbs/spices. Simmer until pasta has been drained and it reaches the thickness you prefer (it can get fairly thick if you leave it to simmer too long). Serve beans over pasta.

Goes well with salad and crusty bread. We like it sprinkled with mozzarrella or parmesan.

It’s cheap and healthy, which is nice in a meal with heavy rotation in our meal plans. It’s hard to mess up pasta. And the endless ways to fix it make it a great ‘P’ food.

Oatmeal is one of those basic foods that can be so versatile. I eat it for breakfast every day. I can use it to make everything from cookies to granola to meatloaf. It even makes a great baby food!

When X was little, I never bothered to buy baby rice cereal or any of that. I would make him oatmeal. At first, I mixed it with breast milk for him to make it more palatable. As he grew accustomed to the taste, I started to mix it with unsweetened applesauce. He loved the stuff. For six months to a year, he ate it all the time.

Amusingly enough, he now stares at my oatmeal with disdain. He won’t touch the stuff with a ten foot pole. He is no longer a baby and will not eat BABY FOOD. I find it amusing, in a sad wistful way. Jillian used to eat it, too. Lately, she has shown no appetite for it. They both prefer boxed cereals with more sweetness nowadays.

Every one I know seems to eat it differently, if they eat it at all. These days, I prefer instant oats to old fashioned. It’s less dishes to clean up when there’s only one of us eating the oatmeal. My in laws make the old fashioned oats in the pan and add things like raisins. Personally, I’m not fond of raisins, so I skip that. I have to admit, I like the sweetness…even when I fix plain oats in the pot, I end up adding some kind of fruit or something to make it sweeter. The great thing about oatmeal is that it’s very versatile. It can suit all sorts of tastes.