I know, it’s stretching the ‘X’ thing. Deal with it!
I’m finally making progress with my new site! I’m excited!
So, here’s announcing Mom is Just a Nickname! I only have a couple of things posted so far, and I’m still working on the layout a bit, but it’s started and I’d love to hear from you about it. Here’s what the site is about (from the “About Me” page):
“Mom” is a nickname I acquired almost ten years ago, about the time of the birth of my first child. I actually go by “Beth” normally. My kids are just about the only people in the world who call me “Mom” on a regular basis. Yet somehow, the word “Mom” has shaped the person I am today. It is a nickname, a job title, a term of endearment, and a show of respect. It is a word that has swallowed me whole.
The words “Mom” and “mother” should not define me as a person, though. I am far more than either word can contain. In fact, every day a new word can be added to a long list of words that help define who I am. It’s an ever-changing description since there are always new chances to grow. Most of the time, though, I’m pretty sure there isn’t any ONE word that can describe the person I am.
For about six of the nine years I’ve been a mother I have lost sight of the fact that I am not just “Mom.” Motherhood and being a good wife consumed me. I gladly gave up any and all of my interests in order to give my family what I thought they needed. All of my creativity, previously fed by a multitude of crafts and projects, was funneled directly into my family if it was expressed at all. Soon I realized that I felt like an empty husk. There was no color, no spark, in my world anymore. Not many things could get me excited and not many things would hold my interest for long.
I think the most significant point in realizing my loss of self was when my children were asking me, “What’s your favorite color?” and I had no answer to give them. In fact, I couldn’t tell them my favorite food, my favorite scent, my favorite song, my favorite … anything. I no longer cared enough to have favorites. I could tell you all of my family’s favorite colors: my husband’s is purple, my daughter’s is pink and my son’s varies between green and blue. I’m still not sure what my favorite color is.
Part of my inability to care probably has had something to do with chronic depression. I am slowly learning that whether the issue is losing myself to motherhood or losing myself to depression the cure is to give myself permission to play, to create, to dream and to do. I am learning to give myself permission to paint my world anew in bright, energizing colors.
This blog is about my efforts to learn more about myself as a person, to redefine myself outside of motherhood. I invite you to join me in my journey, to learn with me, to share your experiences and discoveries with me.
