Red stated in the comments for “Help! I’m Lost!” :
I think that’s a good thing to submit to motherhood and just as good to know when you can back off a bit and get back to who you are.
And I said:
Becoming lost in [my children] was a natural occurrence.
Do you agree? Is it right, is it good, for moms to lose themselves in their children? Should we, as moms, submit to motherhood so completely that we no longer have a personal identity besides that which the word “MOM” defines?
Is it a natural progression: to first find ourselves as young adults, then lose ourselves as moms, and then find new selves as women after our children have started to grow out of their dependence on us?
February 12th, 2008 at 6:24 pm - Edit
I’d love to be as objective as possible but I know I won’t be, for the simple reason that when I had my daughter, I felt selfish and a bad mom if I didn’t “submit” my whole self to being just her mom. And don’t get me wrong, I did and I will do anything, anytime for her and even though I love to share and I have no problem whatsoever doing so; sharing myself, my time, my space was a struggle.
I think now, 8 years later I still feel guilty if I don’t do what other moms would do, but I want my daughter to know that I’m available 24/7 to her, under any and all circumstances….but I am Virginia, I am her mom and I will be for ever and is the best thing that happened to me, but I still am myself, I like myself and I expect respect of my time and space, just like she expects that from us. She is my mini-me, so go figure she loves her space and time….
I hope I was able to express and explain myself.
February 13th, 2008 at 3:05 pm - Edit
I don’t really see it as submitting, or as losing myself. I see it as taking on another role, another part of who I am. If it wasn’t in my nature to be consumed by my role as mom, I wouldn’t be. I never really felt like I was losing anything, maybe b/c there wasn’t much to lose? Maybe I would feel the loss if I had any other role that meant as much to me.
February 13th, 2008 at 3:11 pm - Edit
I’ve been lost and I’ve struggled to find my way back. I am still struggling to balance Levi’s wants and needs and interests with my own. It is a difficult struggle, one that often gets me down. I know it would be easier to fully submit to all that Levi wants and needs, but I wouldn’t be happy that way. And when Momma ain’t happy…you know the rest. I also think that Levi needs to learn that we all have rights and need our quiet time and personal space and pursuits. It’s just such a struggle, that balance thing!
February 13th, 2008 at 3:21 pm - Edit
i suppose its right to “submit” if at the end of it, you want a little dictator who thinks her or his needs come before her mother’s. i find the word “submit” offensive any time any one applies it to me. i don’t submit to anything for any reason. (i may agree and go along) nor do i define myself as the mother of anyone else. i am a person who happens to be a mother. my goal for myself as a mother and for my children is to create independent, functional, healthy adults. it is not to make my children happy or to create an illusion of a world that simply is not realistic. my goal is to give my children tools to cope and succeed in the world in which they are going to find themselves. to that end, part of the lesson they need to learn is that other people have needs. if i don’t teach my children that i, the rock at the center of their world, have needs – who else will? teaching a child that the parent has needs validates the child’s own needs.
February 19th, 2008 at 5:33 am - Edit
[...] one had a lot of good things to say in response to the post, “Is it Right to Submit to Motherhood?” The words written struck me with a certain level of trepidation. They made me wonder, am I [...]
February 19th, 2008 at 1:18 pm - Edit
I feel I submit to Motherhood more than I would like to admit. I did not intend surrender, however, it seems the only way to completely care for my daughter. I had her, I love her, and I am here for her anytime. Do I miss my own personal identity? Of course. Slowly, as my daughter grows older I am regaining a portion of it back as she becomes more independent, but for the most part, I am MOM. Stacy has been sideskirted for a few years, though I know she is quietly waiting at a moments notice to emerge from the dark. I do not see this as a negative aspect of my personality. I feel it as a dedication to my family and my values.
February 20th, 2008 at 2:10 am - Edit
I don’t think motherhood is something one can submit to. Rather, it’s a part of a woman’s natural being that she may or may not choose to fully access. Our life experiences change us. Therefore, we do not “lose ourselves” in motherhood, but we do find the mother that inherently exists within each of us. We may reject or nurture our inner mom, shape her into what we believe she should be, or ignore her.