“Momma, You’re So Funny.”
Posted by: Mom in Kidis Interruptis, tags: dancing, feeling self conscious, Kidis InterruptisThat (the title) is what my dear, darling four year old said to me this afternoon as I was slowly dancing/stretching to some music I had playing. Standing beside him was the nine year old, with a big old smirk on her face. It may have just been a smile, but it felt like a smirk. Well, those two sweet, adorable, charming children of mine totally killed my desire to dance right then. I’m self conscious at the best of times about dancing, but today my back was sore so I knew my movements were anything but smooth. It just felt good to stretch.
One of my B.C. (Before Children) loves was dancing. When I was very small, I took ballet/tap/jazz and loved every minute of it. I’m still not quite sure why I didn’t keep taking dance what with how I loved it. I used to dance for my grandmother. I can vividly remember making her sit and listen to “Rock This Town” by the Stray Cats (which she didn’t like that much) and watching me dance. I remember her saying she’d watch me dance in a skirt one day as long as she wouldn’t see my panties. I grinned, all innocence, and said, “Don’t worry, you can’t see them. I’ve got panty-hose on!” Around that same time, I performed a dance to Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” at a school performance. I loved to dance.
During High School, I would wait until my family had gone to bed for the night and then dance for two hours in the darkened living room. I would stop abruptly if I heard anyone coming down the stairs, very embarrassed to have any one see me dancing. I’d often weave fantasies as I danced. Meeting my Prince Charming or performing for an awestruck audience. I can’t even remember all of the directions my fantasies went. It was kind of like watching a musical movie, where the characters will randomly burst into song or dance. Movies like Dirty Dancing left me in a haze of delight.
In college, I discovered Swing Dancing. I had so much fun with that. Not only did I take a class, but me and my friends would go down to Washington D.C. to dance at Glen Echo. I distinctly remember the fun I had the time a gentleman about the same age as my grandfathers asked me to dance at Glen Echo. He was the best dancer on the floor! He taught me so many moves that the younger set didn’t know, and this man knew them because the Swing Dancing was from HIS youth. My own grandfather tried to teach me some of the moves as I was growing up, but he claimed I always tried to lead. heh.
Over the last year or two, I’ve been letting myself move when the music draws me. Things like Shakira or my old favorites from Elton John or U2 will get me up and moving. I hate it, hate it, hate it, when some one comes into the room when I’m dancing though. I feel the rhythm in my body shriveling to nothing when I realize someone is gawking at me. I’ve tried ignoring the feeling, especially when it’s my own kids. I mean, I figure they should see their mom letting loose every once in awhile. But when comments like “Momma, you’re funny,” and snickers and smirks are directed my way, I can’t help but want to hide that facet of myself from my children. It makes me feel exposed.
I’m really not sure at this point how to reconcile this part of me with the mommy part of me. The two do not seem to fit together.
February 19th, 2008 at 2:11 am - Edit
I too love dancing. When I am moving to the music I feel unstoppable, like anything I imagine I can do. I too fantasize about dancing in front of an awestruck crowd, or having a conversation with someone, saying something I’ve never been able to say before. I love Dirty Dancing and Footloose!
I have been dancing in front of and with Levi since he was just a baby. I am a terrible dancer, but he doesn’t notice, cause he’s used to it. My advice would be just do it. Dance in front of them, in spite of their smirks and giggles, and soon they’ll accept it as normal.
“You’ve got to live like you may never see tomorrow, love like you’ll never get hurt, and DANCE LIKE NOBODY’S WATCHING!”
February 20th, 2008 at 1:39 am - Edit
Well, first of all, as your younger sister, I would like to remind you of the times that you danced in front of me. I don’t remember thinking that you were a bad dancer or looked silly – I just remember being forced to be your backup dancer which involved standing in one place at the back of the living room and moving my arms in a repetitive motion. (Usually with my back to the “audience.”) That being said, I agree that you should dance in front of your kids and they will get used to it as normal. Our parents sure had some weird habits that I never realized until I was older weren’t “normal” (Mayonnaise on bread with dinner?!). Although I am not a parent yet, I would think that it would also encourage your children to accept others’ habits as just part of who they are, rather than smirking or making fun…as long as the habit isn’t offensive or harmful in any way.