This is what Sesame Street had to say today, in a song performed by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. I normally like that pair. I think that in a scene too filled with fake and cloying, they tend to come off as real. I usually like Sesame Street too. I think it’s incredible how fresh and clever their skits can be even after years of processing the same information into bits and bytes the kids can relate to.
Today, though, the song I heard made me rather angry. “I’m not patient because I’m patient. I’m not kind because I’m kind. I scratch your back nice and long because I know that you’ll do the same for me. Take your turn, take it nice and long, because I know when you’re done, I’ll get a really long turn too.” That is not verbatim, but it’s close.
I object to teaching my children to be nice to others so that others will be nice to my children. Giving to others to see what comes back to me is not how I live my life and it’s not what I want my children to learn. I teach my children to be nice, to be patient, to be kind, to be generous, to be loving because it makes them feel good to treat others so nicely. I want them to learn to be giving people because of how it makes them feel, because it’s far better to put good out in the world than bad, because being all of those things (kind, loving, generous, respectful, patient, and nice) is the way we should all act towards one another.
I do not want them to be any of those things because they will receive something for it. We cannot expect external rewards for good actions. The rewards must come from within. Any external reinforcement for good behavior should just be a bonus.
So, I object to a song aimed at children, aired on Sesame Street, which tells my child to be kind so that others will be kind to him. “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” is a fine sentiment in some circumstances, but that expectation of reciprocity should not form the lifelong behavior patterns of anyone. I can only see that leading to a feeling of entitlement: “Well, I did x,y,z for you. Shouldn’t you do a,b,c for me? Shouldn’t you reward me?” No, that’s not how the world works, that’s not the lesson I want my kids to learn.
