Mom is Just a Nickname

We always think, “That can’t happen to us,” but one day, it -whatever ‘it’ is- does. On Sunday, it happened in a church in the heart of our country.

I feel sadness for the people that have died, for those that were injured, and for the families and friends of this congregation who must make sense of what has happened. It’s horrifying that this man walked into a house of worship, filled with families enjoying a children’s production, and opened fire. The children who saw it happen, from their viewpoints in the front of the room…the families who teach their children about loving everyone, about helping others, about respecting differences…now have to figure out how to forgive a man who aimed such hate into their world, and tarnished the bright shine of their children’s innocence.

My heart goes out to these families, these children, this congregation. The situation strikes home especially since I’ve so fallen in love with a UU church family here in my town. The thought lingers in the back of my mind, “That could have been OUR church.” And I tremble.

I cannot stand at their sides, hold their hands, or catch their tears. I am too far away. Still, I stand with these folks in Tennessee, as they do their best to heal, to understand, and to mourn. They do not stand alone…there are many of us standing with them.

I want to write something deep and insightful here. I have been reading back through my blog and I’m deeply disappointed that my recent posts have been so brief and shallow, superficial. Then I sit down here to write and don’t know what to write about.

I could tell about the decisions I’m trying to make..oh yeah, I did that already.
I could talk about the interesting books I’m reading…but I’m still reading the book by Ariel Gore and the one by Matthew Fox. I haven’t had any further illuminations to share from either of them.
I could talk about my Sullivan…I can always talk about him. But I have the same tales to tell now that I shared last fall. Except for the ones that involve the deep bitterness and betrayal I experienced during that time. Fortunately, that betrayal was balanced by the many other people that stepped forward to help when we needed it.

No, none of that really wants to be written about today.

So, I remain unsure of what to say. Is this even worth posting?

Probably not. I’ll do it anyway, though, because I want to. This scramble of words reflects the way my brain is working these days. It’s not sitting long on any one idea, even though I have things I really do need to think about and work through. For now, I’ll go work on chores (there’s a backlog of things to do around the house right now. ugh.)….maybe something will come to me as I do a dish washing meditation.

Every once in awhile, the Universe seems to reach out and smack me with a concept. I figure I’m really supposed to learn this point because it will show up every where for awhile. This week it has been the concept of “One River, Many Wells” which is also the name of a book by Matthew Fox, as you can see if you follow the link. I’ve only scratched the surface of this book, but I’ve been intrigued since I read the title. The concept is that there is one shared Truth, but many different ways to arrive at that Truth. (The book describes “Truth” as “Divine” instead. I have altered it for my purposes here.)

The idea so completely encompasses my understanding of the religious world that it struck me. Ever since I began learning about ancient cultures and their creation myths, ever since I began to learn more about the many active religions in the world, the idea that any one system had the ONE and ONLY path to Truth seemed impossible to me. There were similarities to be found in all of the ones I’ve read, and the differences were matters of cultural diversity.

So, it was not a new idea to me, Matthew Fox simply stated it far more clearly than I’d ever heard or tried to express. To think of a single flowing Truth or Divinity that we all tap into in our own unique ways…that’s powerful to me.

Then, I was reading a different book: “How to Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead: Your Words in Print and Your Name in Lights” by Ariel Gore. In a section called “Embrace Your Genius”, she writes,

You have a unique and delicious genius to share. You see this vibrant and vulnerable planet in your own strange way. You draw connections that make you wonder if you’ve lost your mind. Your fears are specific, and alien to me. We’re human kin, you and me and Murakami –when we dig deep enough into our own individual wells, we reach the same universal stream– but the places we’re digging from, they’re different.

It’s not enough to me that we draw from this deep and shared river of Truth, Creativity or Divinity, though. I believe that we not only receive from it, but we, each of us, feed it. Just as many tiny streams feed into the large and sprawling river, so we too have our own unique things to give to the greater Truth. It is not enough to see that there are many paths, we have to acknowledge that each individual path helps make the common Spirit stronger. The sharing of each Personal Truth only makes the Greater Wisdom all the more potent.

We’re somewhere around halfway through J’s summer break from school.  The kids are bored with each other, and I’m bored of refereeing their constant spats.  I need some inspiration for cheap and easy things to do with them at home!  Getting anywhere in town is expensive these days and I’m trying to cut back to only the most basic trips from home.  Combining trips is a lovely idea, but I can only combine so many activities in one day before I’m a worn out mess!

Our fish tank is providing some entertainment at least.  We all three spend a lot of time staring into the tank, studying it, trying to see what the animals are up to now.  Yesterday was an exciting day because we discovered two tiny snails.  We have three large mysterio snails, but these little guys are different.  They must have hitched a ride on some of the new plants we just got!  I know that snails can sometimes take over a tank, but I’ve also read that they can be good for it, so for now, we’ll leave them and let them eat the foul stuff in there.

It was even bigger excitement when we realized that we have some fry in the tank!  The only breeds of fish we have right now red wag platy (4 of them) and silver lyretail mollies (4 of them).  Both breeds are livebearers and we suspected that the two platy females were pregnant within a week of having them home.  I hope there is enough cover for the fry to survive, but if not, I guess we know there’s population control in the tank. (I know, that’s a horrible way to look at it!) We’ve thought about setting a nursery tank, but for now we don’t have the resources to do that.

I’m not sure if it’s the search for something to do or the realization that in about a month X will be starting preschool, but I’ve been weighted down with thoughts of what I’ll be doing once he’s in school.  Toph and I have always agreed that when the kids are both in school, I’d start working – at least part time.  This year is the year to turn my thoughts that way.  X will only be in school for the mornings, which doesn’t give me much time to work a job, but it would give me time to write or do school work.  So, I’m weighing up my options: either I pursue writing far more seriously or I get myself into a school program in order to get a degree.  It begs the questions of what degree I’d get and what kind of writing I want to do.  So, I have a lot on my mind these days.

For now, I guess I’ll succumb to the madness of life with my children.  I’ve had requests to play with bouncy balls in the foyer (oi! I’m ready to hide the darn things!) and we need to go to the library today.  I’ll have to get some pictures of my seedlings and some of the projects me and the kids have done lately.

Here’s hoping your summers are passing more peacefully than mine!

This is the story of a woman and her Bunko-playing circle of close friends. Together, they face challenges like debillitating illness, divorce, infertility, and a husband being sent to Iraq with the National Guard. There are heart to heart discussions, shopping, and arguments. On the surface, it seems like it’d be a great Chick Lit book: fun to read, but easy to put down. There were a few things that made it a book that was hard for me to digest, though.

First of all, I think I must live in a different social hemisphere than the characters in this book do. I could not relate to designer shoes, buying Starbucks all the time, outdoing each other for themed decorations for their Bunko Nights, or the many luxuries they all seemed to have. The situations they face are real enough, but their reactions to those situations don’t seem mature or realistic. The friend I related to the most was Autumn, the easy-going mother of eight children. She seemed the one nod to those of us in the real world who scrimp and save, who don’t have the cash to decorate lavishly for a gathering of close friends, who wear what we have even if it’s not right in style that season and who have accepted that kids and nice furniture don’t get along. Honestly, if a friend of mine had walked into my house and had been as picky as the fastidious Madison was about sitting on Autumn’s furniture, I would have doubted the bonds of our friendship. Love me, love my mess!
Another thing which put me off was that I found the religious references in the book were done with a heavy hand. I see how the many Bible citations and discussions of faith fit into the story, but I sometimes felt more like the author was using the book to proselytize than to tell a story.

I might recommend this book to my Christian friends, particularly those who have wrestled with the question of their faith. I did find some inciteful insightful passages about the nature of belief and faith as I was reading – I have already shared one with a friend, actually! But unless you are looking for Christian lit, I wouldn’t pick this up. The meat of the story is faith-based, not Bunko based, or even character based….in my opinion.

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