Mom is Just a Nickname

Archive for July, 2010

19 07 2010

Make me Courageous in Action

Posted by: Mom in grow up, I'm Lost, inspiration, kids, religion

Make me courageous in action, able to step into the world and act my beliefs even when they differ from the mainstream. Give me the courage to act as my conscience dictates without regard to how the crowd around me is acting.

Too often I act in ways that are meant to protect myself or my family but which end up denying my true self. Sometimes, these actions are truly necessary; more often, I think, they are not. They are simply actions of a fearful spirit. So I ask for the courage to step out and speak my truth to the world through my actions.

Give me courage to wear my rainbow bracelet; to keep shaving my hair; to walk hand in hand with whoever I so choose; to go to pagan festivals or perform public rituals; to rip out the grass in my front yard and replace it with a perennial garden; to put Unitarian Universalist and pagan and rainbow bumper stickers on my car.

Why should anyone else have the ability to scare me out of announcing to the world who I really am if that’s what I want to do? If I feel like speaking my truth, then it’s my right to do it. In the United States, I have the Freedom of Expression and it’s my right to exercise it.

Make me strong in spirit,

Make me courageous in action, that my children will learn that each of us has our own truth and we are each of us allowed to speak that truth, even if it is different from another’s.

Make me courageous in action, that my children can learn that it is possible to speak our own truths while being respectful of others’ truths.

Make me courageous in action, that I can free myself from this self imposed prison of silence and fear in which I live.

Make me courageous in action.

No Comments »

15 07 2010

Make me Strong in Spirit

Posted by: Mom in grow up, I'm Lost, inspiration, religion

Make me strong in spirit, able to weather the challenges of life without breaking in the storm. Make me able to bend with the winds and the rain, while knowing that I will once more stand straight when the storm passes.

Being strong in spirit does not only mean weathering storms, though. Sometimes it means knowing when to ask for help, it means knowing when I can bend no further without someone to lean on. Anyone who knows me may know how hard I find it to ask for help, unless I trust you very well. Asking for help is not my strong suit. So in asking to make me strong in spirit, I also ask for help in knowing when I need to ask for help.

Being strong in spirit means being strong enough to know when I can and should offer my help to my loved ones, to my friends. I feel a fierce urge to protect those I care most about, but I must recognize that they too have their own storms to weather and I must wait for them to ask for help. I have a hard time with this, since I know how long I will wait , how far I will let myself bend towards breaking, before I will grudgingly reach out for help.

Make me strong in spirit that I might weather the storms of life with grace;

Make me strong in spirit that I might reach out to others with dignity and gratefulness;

Make me strong in spirit that I might help others with respect and awareness of their needs;

Make me strong in spirit that I might live life with joy.

No Comments »

12 07 2010

To Find the Answer

Posted by: Mom in family, I'm Lost, Kidis Interruptis, memories

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesn’t play for the money he wins
He doesn’t play for respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance

From Sting’s Shape of My Heart

Dance used to be my meditation, and shooting. The two walked side by side. They seem an odd juxtaposition, but they complemented each other. One required full body movement, I lost myself in the rhythm of my body’s movements, concentrating on how each turn, each stretch made me feel alive. The other required a quietness, and an effort to control breathing, movement, posture. It required a steadiness and a focus, a grounding and centering which is often associated with traditional meditation. I never made that connection until recently. I never realized how different things can be meditation until recently.

I miss the feel of the full body meditation I used to do. Losing myself in my body, in the lyrics of songs. It’s amazing how songs become a part of me when I dance their words. I feel the poetry of the lyrics and the grace of the music on another level when I try to put those into action with my body.

I also miss the rhythm and concentration of shooting. I never did it just as sport; I never did it just for the competition. I never did it just for the scores; or to beat all the boys – yes, I did like being one of the few girls competing, and doing as well, if not better, than many of the boys. In some way, I liked getting up at 5:30 a.m. on school days to practice in the basement with my air rifle. Practice didn’t mean load, aim, fire. It meant load, breathe, clear your mind, find your position, breathe, seat yourself in your position, breathe, clear your mind, breathe, close your eyes, breathe, open your eyes, breathe, sight your target, breathe, focus, aim, breathe and as you exhale smoothly squeeze the trigger. It was a long process, one of grounding, centering, always finding the exact same position before aiming and firing.

Nowadays, I feel the “Mom” title most keenly in the meditation realm. Whether my meditations are calm and quiet or active with movement, they are interrupted. From beading, to gardening, to writing, my time is not my own. At any moment, someone will require my attention. Staying up late doesn’t work; Toph will stay up late too. Getting up early doesn’t work either; invariably my little early bird, the monkey, will get up earlier, as if he knows I’m up too, even if I go outside. This morning I’ve got headphones in and although I’ve managed to ignore Toph and the princess, the monkey just comes and stands beside me until I look at him and remove my headphones to talk to him. He’s learned how to get Mama’s attention.

Maybe Moms aren’t supposed to meditate, but given the number who claimed to find the time to do it, I don’t think that’s true. There’s got to be a way. How do women do it? It just doesn’t seem to happen in my house. I just get frustrated when I try it. I miss my meditations…I miss my dancing, and my shooting. I’m not really sure which I miss most.

3 Comments »