Mom is Just a Nickname

Being a mom is sucking all of my time up.  One of the kidlets has lice, so every waking moment, it seems, is dedicated to picking lice and nits and doing laundry.  I’m also really trying to get up that oomph I talked about to get the house clean and keep it clean.

For some reason, the baking bug bit me the last couple of days.  Homemade cornbread to go with the homemade white chicken chili; homemade pear-blueberry cobbler; homemade whole wheat banana bread.  I wonder what will come over me next? I wonder why that energy isn’t being more appropriately directed to cleaning the house?

For reasons which shall remain nameless here, we’re getting rid of a Sauder-style bookcase (ok, a watermelon went bad and sent its watery juiciness beneath it – I swear my house isn’t THAT bad).  My husband and I spent part of the day sorting through the books on the shelf and found a bunch to get rid of.  Sometime this week I’ll take a trip to the used book store and see what kind of store credit I can get for them.  It may not be much, but it will help pay for books for the kids and such.  Hey, I wanted to get a move on decluttering…just not sure I wanted to be pushed to it by a rotting watermelon!

Anyhow, this mom has got to get back to picking “nits and fleas” (as my youngest kidlet put it)….so, back to being ‘Just a Mom’ for awhile.

Motivation. Hesitation (for valid reason). Lack of momentum.  See the one in between?  That’s where I’m at.

Motivation: Wanting a clean house.  Yes, I know it’s possible. I’ve done it before.

Hesitation: Valid reason: Cleaning kills my back.

Lack of momentum: If I get one space cleaned and move on to the next, the first space is messy before the second space is clean!  So frustrating!

Any one else have that problem?  I wish I didn’t.

Anyone have any suggestions for this?

What did you want to be when you grew up?

I recall wanting to be an artist.

So why is it so hard to decide what I want to be now?

Because I’m locked somewhere in this in between state where I don’t have the confidence to let my inner artist play, therefore I don’t believe my inner artist has the wherewithal to make money doing what she loves to do.

Ain’t growing up a bitch?

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” ~Steve Jobs

Maybe it’s time to leave this limbo state and step out, back into the childlike state of knowing, without a doubt, what I’m meant to do, to be, in life.  Maybe it’s time to trust that I will accomplish and be taken care of if I do what I’m meant to do.

Although walking this other path has led me to realize other talents as well.  And that’s a good thing too.

Books.  I’m undecided about the future of my books.   I love reading, I love getting into a story.  Lately, though, I find the act of focusing on the words challenging.  Maybe I need reading glasses, but the eye doctor doesn’t seem to think so.  I also think it’d be nice if I could reduce the number of books on my bookshelves…they sure do take up a lot of space!

So, I’ve found myself listening to books instead.  And I like that fairly well. I get the pleasure of “reading” a book without the eyestrain of focusing on the words.

I’ve also got the kindle app on my Android phone.  I like that too, except that the screen isn’t big enough.  So I’ve thought of getting a Kindle or a Nook – but I think what I want is a tablet.  But it’s definitely a “want” not a “need”, so it’s on the back burner for now.

Are you old school – all for books; or do you like new technologies for absorbing stories and information?

In between sleeping and waking,

there’s a time and space when one is not quite dreaming,

but not quite thinking.

Wishes on the surface of your mind’s eye are gleaming,

waiting to become reality.

If you’re lucky, you remember after rising,

what these wish visions said.

Lucky….you can make your wishes come true.

In between sleep and waking, our wishes walk the world.

Awaken slowly.