Mom is Just a Nickname

<btw, this is a real post, not part of the story.    >

Thirteen years ago today, I became a mom.

This phrase keeps running through my mind.  Like a broken record, it keeps replaying, reminding me of just how long it’s been since my first-born made her appearance into the world.

At church yesterday, I listened to some folks describe their parents, their families of origin, and I wondered how my children would describe me when they were all grown up and I was a mere memory in their life.  Would my first-born daughter always feel that I preferred her brothers, because she felt that they got more time and attention from me?  Would she feel that I was aloof with her, simply because I never know what to say to her?  Would she know that I love her?

But as I sit here with that sentence running through my head, “Thirteen years ago today, I became a mom,” I know that she is the reason I am a mom.  When I found out that I was pregnant, I became a mom.  I became anxious to do everything right for her.  And as my belly grew the slightest bit round, I was so eager to show it off.  I loved being pregnant, I loved the fact I was going to be a mom, I loved the fact I was going to have a baby.  As my belly grew big and heavy with her, I happily (and somewhat painfully) waddled about, ready to meet the tiny creature that kept poking me in the ribs.

And on the day she was born, when the pictures show that she was red and wrinkled and I looked exhausted, all I remember thinking is that she was the most beautiful thing ever and how amazing it was that she’d come from inside me.

Thirteen years on, I still think she’s most amazingly beautiful.  I think she’s incredibly intelligent and talented, that she has a smart mouth (I wonder where she got that from?) and that she’s got wonderful things ahead of her.  And I still marvel that once upon a time, she was a tiny creature inside my belly, shoving her toes into my ribs.  She’s nearly as tall as I am now, and her feet are bigger than mine.

Thirteen years ago, I became a mother.

Once upon a time…..No, wait. I’m not a ‘once upon a time’ sort of gal.  Let me try again.

There was this girl.  And she met this guy.  Hrm. No.  That just sounds like the beginning of a bad romance novel.

The truth is I don’t know where to start.  A week ago, the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with left.  So, I thought there was a ‘once upon a time, the princess met her prince’ in my life, but he shattered that dream.  It seemed like my life was going along like a great romance novel – girl meets dreamy guy, there were a few bumps in the road, sure, but in the end they work it out and live happily ever after.  But this time, he’s just gone. No word, no note, no reason.  He’s just gone.  He packed his things and left.  It’s as if he was never in my life.

I tried calling his sister, but she hasn’t heard from him.  I tried calling his mother, but she’s never liked me anyhow so she wouldn’t tell me even if she has heard from him.  I don’t know why I bothered.  I tried  his best friend with no luck – he thought MIA was on vacation in the islands with me.

This is a man dedicated to his job.  He’s a veterinarian, a partner at a clinic.  His counterpart knew only that he’d taken some time off, but had gotten the impression that the vacation time was being taken with me!

Why did they think he was with me, when in fact he’d left me sitting alone and heartbroken in my empty apartment?  I sat up, dried my tears and thought long and hard.  There was a mystery here.  I knew it.  That sensitive guy that I had grown to love would not, could not, just walk out on me without a by-your-leave!  He was much too straightforward to do that. He’d sit me down and talk with me  first, give us time to work things out.  He knew how to talk about things. It was one of the things that had drawn me to him in the first place.  That, and his gorgeous blue eyes.  Not to mention that sexy, deep voice that I’d heard rumbling beneath the crowd at the party where we’d met.

…….

To be continued….

Whoops, I missed October 10.  The day was busy with cleaning and meetings.  That’s two days missed so far this month!

Today is definitely my day to be “More than just a Mom”…I work today…and it’s my long day.  Oh, I don’t technically work any more hours – just 3 – but the 3 hours are split. An hour and a half, then an hour and a half break, then another hour and a half.  So, work takes up a lot of the day.  Afterwards, I am beat.  On Sundays, my job entails working with a lot of people, a lot of personalities.

I enjoy my job.  Two days during the week, I have the solitude of working alone in my office, doing various things.  On Sundays, I get to work with people.  It’s a nice balance.

The work itself is challenging enough to keep me learning new things, which I like a lot.  None of it is out of my ability range, it’s just things I never bothered to learn, I had no need to learn it.  So, as the need arises, I spend my off time teaching myself how to do things I’ll need for work.

How does this relate to being “Between”?  I am between places right now.  Between the mommy world and the working world. I work part time, very part time. And the rest of the time, I’m a mom.  When asked who my employer is on paperwork, I still often leave it blank – they really want my husband’s employer for the benefits.  Besides – I’m the one that answers the phone at my place of employment!

Being a mom is sucking all of my time up.  One of the kidlets has lice, so every waking moment, it seems, is dedicated to picking lice and nits and doing laundry.  I’m also really trying to get up that oomph I talked about to get the house clean and keep it clean.

For some reason, the baking bug bit me the last couple of days.  Homemade cornbread to go with the homemade white chicken chili; homemade pear-blueberry cobbler; homemade whole wheat banana bread.  I wonder what will come over me next? I wonder why that energy isn’t being more appropriately directed to cleaning the house?

For reasons which shall remain nameless here, we’re getting rid of a Sauder-style bookcase (ok, a watermelon went bad and sent its watery juiciness beneath it – I swear my house isn’t THAT bad).  My husband and I spent part of the day sorting through the books on the shelf and found a bunch to get rid of.  Sometime this week I’ll take a trip to the used book store and see what kind of store credit I can get for them.  It may not be much, but it will help pay for books for the kids and such.  Hey, I wanted to get a move on decluttering…just not sure I wanted to be pushed to it by a rotting watermelon!

Anyhow, this mom has got to get back to picking “nits and fleas” (as my youngest kidlet put it)….so, back to being ‘Just a Mom’ for awhile.