Mom is Just a Nickname

I was told from the time I was very small that we are each unique, like a snowflake. Ihave my unique way of thinking about the world, of relating to the world, of existing in the world. I seem to crave being unique, at least on the inside.

Throughout childhood and the teenage years, I just wanted to fit in. I was different, in ways I couldn’t even explain. I was more serious, more studious, less inclined to break the rules or even to bend them. Yes, I was a “goody two shoes,” whether I meant to be or not. I was the quiet, polite, shy girl who rarely spoke unless spoken to; the one who desperately wanted to be like the others but couldn’t. I was the quiet little wren going about the business of building a nest, whilst the colorful parakeets chirped and flitted around my head.

I wasn’t always like that; moving to a new state when I was in third grade seemed to encourage this behavior. Before moving, I was a chatterbox. I remember being punished with clothes pins on my nose in Kindergarten when I talked too much. They didn’t stop me, though. I liked the way my voice sounded when my nose was pinched! Moving took some of that ability to gab out of me, I guess.

I still don’t feel like I fit into the crowds around me, usually. I am still more serious than most – I’d rather discuss books I love than the latest reality t.v. show; I’d rather talk about spirituality and religion than fashion; I’d rather try to understand politics than the latest video games. That’s just the way I am.

Sometimes I want to do something wild with my appearance, to really advertise the ways I feel different. But I still have that overriding need to fit in; to melt into the crowd. Now, I’m not so sure that it has anything to do with wanting people to like me. Maybe it’s more that I don’t want anyone to notice me.

I like being unique. I apparently don’t like to advertise it. Strange the things you learn when you type out a post about being unique.

In our first year of marriage, Toph definitely had the edge over me when it came to cooking skills. In fact, I brought a reputation for horribly bad cooking with me to our relationship. Where he was creating luscious lasagna for me, I shrank from the thought of cooking for him. He definitely did NOT marry me for my abilities to feed him well!

There was a story in my family about pancakes I made one Sunday morning. My brother and his friend, who had spent the night, ate them along with my mom, sister and I. Both boys got horribly sick later that day and blamed my pancakes. (I’ve always believed that if my pancakes made them sick, it’s because they were really good and the guys ate too many of them! The rest of us were fine.) Neither of the boys would eat my cooking again for years!

There was the time I was determined to make a stir fry for Toph in a style similar to what my dad always used to make: ground beef, broccoli, soy sauce….it always seemed like he just tossed stuff into the pan and it came out great! So, I tried. That was a NASTY experiment. There is no other way to describe it, except for the name Toph and I have taken to calling it: Beth’s Soy Fry. It was so salty from too much soy sauce, it was inedible.

I also managed to burn water our first year together. I still get teased about that. Often I get incredulous looks that say, “HOW the HELL do you burn water?!” Well, folks, it’s called short attention span: Put on the pan of water to boil. Stare at it a few minutes. Get bored. Wander off to putz on the computer. Forget about water on the stove. Sniff the air a while later and wonder what could possibly be burning. Go looking for it. Find the pan on the stove, black on the bottom. Yep, I burned water. I can’t remember if the pan survived or not.

I distinctly remember trying to cook a venison roast in my crockpot one time. That was nasty.

Still, I did manage to produce some winners in that first year. I could make a beef stew that had people begging for third and fourth servings. I often took a crockpot of that into Toph’s office with a loaf of fresh bread and fed the entire office (which consisted of three or four people at the time).

By the time I was pregnant with Sullivan in our third year of marriage, I like to think I was gaining a better reputation for my cooking. We moved back in with Toph’s parents then, and (after I got over the horrible first trimester) I was often found in the kitchen cooking (yes, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen!). I discovered meals like chicken and barley bake, meat and black bean burritos, fajitas, and crockpot cheesy chicken. I began to enjoy cooking a lot more than I ever had before.

Early on, I made it a habit to try a new recipe each week. I don’t make it to each week all the time, but I do it often enough that the reportoire of meals we eat is always changing slightly. Some of the things we’ve tried have been hits. Some have been decidedly ‘two thumbs down.’ Those nasty experiments are a good excuse to order a pizza though!

Now, as Toph and I enter our tenth year together (our wedding anniversary is in March!) the balance has swung more in my direction. I can’t claim to be a better cook than Toph, but I’d say we’re at least even. We certainly have to order less pizza nowadays due to failed cooking experiments than we used to!

My mom always decorated her house for Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving. As far as I know she still does, but I haven’t been there for the experience in a few years. I remember it as a huge undertaking. Boxes upon boxes would be hauled from the attic. Then each box would be unpacked on to the dining room table so that contents could be evaluated. She would then either have us kids put the decoration where she wanted it, or she would do it herself.

Decorating the Christmas tree usually came later. We always had a live tree, so we would get it closer to the holiday. Then it was a family trip to the tree farm to pick out our tree. We had to debate about which to get, we’d all be freezing cold before we were done, but we had fun. We decorated as a family. My dad had spent so many hours stringing the lights on to his satisfaction…and he is picky about his lights. He likes lots of them, and he doesn’t like the wires to be visible. He weaves the strings in and out, from center to tips of the branches, from top to bottom of the tree. I don’t even know how many hundreds of lights he could get on a 6 foot tree, but they are always beautiful. Then my mom sits in her chair, surrounded by boxes of ornaments. We nibbled on Christmas cookies (which she had spent hours baking since Thanksgiving) and drank hot cocoa as we hung our ornaments.

Most of our ornaments came from our maternal Grandmother. Every year she gave us a new one, as part of our 12 Days Before Christmas gifts. Each day, for twelve days, we got to open a gift. Some things we knew we would always get: pajamas on the 24th, an ornament in our theme (my brother always got nutcrackers, I always got angels and my sister teddy bears), and usually personalized pencils and assorted odd things. Nothing super expensive, just fun stuff to build the anticipation. As my brother and I got older, we realized that when we left home, our parents’ trees would be barren since almost all of the ornaments were ours! So we began to get them ornaments each year. Now, even though each of us kids has taken our special ornaments, Mom and Dad still have beautiful ornaments for their tree.

On Christmas Eve, the traditions ramped up. We usually went to mass in the evening, then came home for dinner. We always dressed nice for dinner (and for mass, but…) and dinner on Christmas Eve was always roast beef, mashed potatoes, peas, and Yorkshire pudding. I’m probably forgetting something, but I know those components were there. This was our day of English traditions. After cleaning up from dinner, us kids would get on our special Days before Christmas pajamas. Then we’d gather around our dad. When we were younger, he’d read us The Night Before Christmas, by Clement C. Moore. The copy we had was illustrated by Arthur Rackham and I love the illustrations! As we got older, we had to beg and wheedle our dad to read the story to us each year. He is very good at reading out loud, especially this story. And curling up at his feet to listen to the story is one of my treasured memories.

We would hang our stockings after hearing the story, put out cookies and milk for Santa and then head to bed.

Invariably, at least one of us would be up by 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning. We’d huddle in our bed in shivery excitement until another of us kids was awake. Then we’d sit in the dark and whisper, wondering what Santa had left under the tree. Yes, we did this even as we got older…in fact, I can remember sitting on the stairs with my sister the year I had Jillian! We weren’t allowed to wake our parents until 6:00 am, and we weren’t allowed to go downstairs until they were awake. They always went down first, started coffee, turned on lights, and start up the kerosene heater for warmth. When they were ready, we could come downstairs to stare in wonder at the goodies left under the tree.

Santa gifts were never wrapped, but left under the tree. Each of us had a pile, artfully arranged. Books, games, dolls, calendars…whatever we were interested in. I often got art supplies and books. After oohing over those, we went to our stockings, which were overflowing with goodies.

On Christmas Morning, we ate mom’s Christmas cookies if we were hungry, we drank hot cocoa out of our Santa mugs, and we spent hours opening gifts, one by one. My brother played Elf, choosing what gift would be next and announcing who it was for and who it was from. We each kept our pile of opened gifts near us, and watched everyone else open their gifts. We always shivered with excitement when other people opened gifts we’d given. It was fun to see their reactions!

Finally, after all the gifts were opened, usually around 9 am, we’d each return our gifts to a place under the tree and then wander off. Sometimes we’d dress in some of our new clothes right away. Sometimes, there’d be a special gift we wanted to poke at some more. My dad would often prepare brunch: frittata or chorizo and eggs. Christmas day, for us kids anyway, was for enjoying our gifts and being lazy. Christmas Dinner was the next big event. Christmas Day was our day for Spanish traditions: We always had Paella for dinner. Sometimes we had friends over to share with us, sometimes not. Despite the seafood in it, I always enjoyed it.

These traditions came to mean a lot to me, most especially as I left home and no longer had my parents orchestrating my holidays for me. Now, my family (my husband and children and I) celebrate our own traditions. Some are from my family, some are from my husband’s, and some are just things we want to do. My mom has continued giving the Days Before Christmas gifts to my kids. We try to have paella during the holiday season, even if we don’t always have it on Christmas Day. I make Cinnamon rolls to snack on Christmas morning. Toph makes Caramel Popcorn. I read the Night Before Christmas to my family now, although for a long time I tried to get Toph to do it. Every time I read it, I hear my dad’s voice in my head.

I’m very thankful for my family’s traditions. I’m very thankful that my parents took the time to make such special traditions for us. I’m very thankful that my husband and I have been able to work together to find a way to include traditions from my childhood and his in our own holidays.

And now, for your enjoyment, I want to share a video my sister in law, Lanie, sent me this morning. I so thoroughly enjoyed it, I spent the next hour or two after receiving it, exploring other videos featuring the same group!

Merry Christmas to all! (and to all a goodnight)

Straight No Chasers sings 12 Days of Christmas

Lynn is a freelance writer and mother of four.  She authors the blog called Virtual Wordsmith where she explores her experiences as a writer,  interviews other authors, and also reviews books.  She also has a blog, Family in a Blender , which explores the joys and challenges of Stepfamilies, also known as Blended Families. 

wfg: Describe your family life.
Lynn: I am a happily married mother of four children, a daughter – just shy of 18, a stepson – 16, and two sons – 10 and 5.  We have a yours, mine and ours dynamic, as three of the children are from previous marriages or relationships, the youngest child being “ours”.  We do, however, refer to all of the kids as ours. 

wfg:  What special joys or challenges accompany having your children’s ages spread between almost 18 and 5?
Lynn:  There are so many joys it would be tough to choose just one. 
 
One of my favorite memories is of my daughter, holding my youngest son in her arms when he was just a baby, and dancing with him.  He was sound asleep on her shoulder and she was singing to him.  I had this super-imposed vision of her dancing with him at her wedding, with her head on his shoulder.
 
The challenges are many.  Each child is unique, and alike, in that they are all strong personalities and leaders in their own ways.  We run into issues with bedtimes, because the older two want to stay up later.  I run into issues with the 10 year old, because he wants to do the things the 16 year old does, but he’s not quite old enough yet.  Committing the entire family to one activity is also a trick, because the older two already have their own lives, with friends and jobs. 

wfg:  How would you describe your parenting style?
Lynn:  My parenting style is semi-attachment.  I breastfed all of my babies (the first two for 6 months each, the last for 9 months), but did not co-sleep.  I have been a stay at home or work at home mom for what seems like forever.  
 
wfg:  What are your hobbies?
 Lynn:  I love to read.  Lately I’ve had 2 or 3 books going at once, which is new for me.  Cooking is one of my great passions.  I also love to hike in the woods.

wfg:  What kinds of things do you like to cook?  Will you share a favorite recipe?
Lynn:  I love to bake.  Cookies, sweet breads, cakes, candies.  I do not bake breads, though.  I leave that up to my husband.  Yeast and I do not get along.  I also love to do the “home cooked meal” thing – Pot Roast, Turkey with all the trimmings, Soups, Roasted Chicken, Lasagna.
 
My favorite recipe is Guinness Pot Roast.  You can find the recipe here.

wfg:  Are you living the life you thought you’d be living?
Lynn:  I am living the life I envisioned, in many ways.  I always knew I’d have at least 3 children, I’d hoped to be married to someone who was my best friend and partner, and I wanted to raise my children in a small town.  I have achieved those things.
 
I didn’t expect to be living in the Mid West, raising a step child and only seeing my parents and siblings once every 5 years or so.

wfg: You said you didn’t expect to live in the Mid West:  What’s your favorite thing about living there now?
Lynn:  My favorite thing about living here now is the land.  Rich, dark fertile soil, beautiful and varying scenery no matter which part of Minnesota you travel, the power of the Summer storms, the quiet after a 12 inch snowfall.  If I had to live anywhere other than where I grew up, Minnesota is the best place I could have ended up.

wfg:  Describe your average day.
Lynn:  My average day begins with coffee and checking emails.  Then, I make sure the kids are up and out the door to school with everything they need.  Once the kids are on their way, I take a shower, wash dishes and prep things for dinner.  I do a couple of loads of laundry a day. 
 
The remainder of my day is spent reading, writing and researching for my blog and freelance writing.  I have surrounded myself with words, in one way or another, and I am loving my work!

wfg:  How did you decide to become a freelance writer?
Lynn:  I became a freelance writer because I’d read through magazines and think “I could’ve written that.”  I love words, I love playing with words, and I love sharing my thoughts with others.  I describe it as a compulsion. 
 
wfg:  What do you find most satisfying about being a writer?
Lynn:  As an avid reader, I find myself educated, entertained and moved by other people’s words.  If and when I accomplish those same things with my writing, I am elated.  I also love the research part of writing.  I am perpetually curious, a life-long student and writing gives me an outlet to discover information and then share it with others.

You can find out more about Lynn from her website and from either of her blogs. 

 Thank you, Lynn, for finding the time to talk to me about your interests and family!

My first interview is up on my other blog! It features Lori, maker of fine Nursing Necklaces!