And after ten years, life is moving on.  No longer are old rituals holding us in their grasp: for the first time in ten years we did NOT eat at Applebees on the day of Sullivan’s death.  We did not spend the entire day dedicated to doing nothing but reminding ourselves of old, hurting memories.  We did things that we enjoy.  And although the memories were with us and we still took time to honor his memory, the whole day was not spent in mourning.

“We hear the real though far off hymn, that hails a new creation”

The song goes on, and so do we.  After ten years, we’ve opened ourselves up on the day of Sullivan’s passing to hear more than just the echoes of his life.

I’ve got a day to catch up on…and what a day to have to catch up on.  So, I’ll write two posts today and call it even.

First off, I’ve decided to participate in NaBloPoMo this month.  Writing every day is good for the soul and I need something that is good for the soul these days.

So, here’s the heart of my October 1st post, even though it’s coming on October 2nd.

On October 1st, I take time to honor the life of my son Sullivan and to mourn his death.  He was a beautiful little baby with bright blue eyes, a charismatic little personality, and a frail body – as chubby and pink and warm as it always was.  He gifted me with one smile in his 23 months of life, although we saw many his happiness with us in many other ways.  Unfortunately, we saw he was unhappy and uncomfortable and in pain much more often.  His passing in the end was a blessing, as it let his body rest and set his soul free.  His beautiful, magnificent, old soul.  I like to believe that his soul learned from us love even as it endured the suffering.  Here is to Sullivan, my bright boy.  I miss him all year round, but particularly now in the fall, and most especially, on the day of his passing, on October 1st.