Mom is Just a Nickname

Missing: One cell phone. If found, please return to my daughter.

And earlier this week, my phone was lost…thankfully, it’s been found. What’s with losing phones this week?!

This blog is mostly defunct. Maybe the new year will change that. Maybe it won’t. It’s not as if I don’t have a million and one other things to do.  In September, we got a new dog. She’s an Australian Shepherd, about a year old, and in need of training and amusement.  Then in November, we bought a house.  So, of course, there’s all of the unpacking, organizing, and decorating to do there (not to mention the cleanup of the old house).

I’ve just finished my second semester in school.  It was a rough one and I didn’t finish everything I was supposed to, but luckily in the program I’m in, the class I didn’t finish will carry over.  By January 1, I’ll be starting a new semester and have more schoolwork to do.

Here’s to 2010 and the new adventures it will bring.

I love jeans that have been worn in, that are soft and comfortable, that mold to my hips but are boot cut so that my calves and ankles are unhindered by the fabric.  I love the faded blue denim that only comes from washing it a hundred times.

Because of that, I have a really hard time buying brand new jeans from a retail store.  The jeans, no matter how well they seem to fit in the dressing room, are always stiff. The colors, no matter how distressed or washed they are supposed to be, are always too bold and brash.

Instead of buying them from retail stores, when I have the time and energy (and need, of course) I go browse at a thrift store or Goodwill.  My size isn’t real common to find there so it takes some time to sort through everything to find my size -I suspect everyone my size does what I do: wear the things that fit until they are too worn to be worth giving away!   When I do find something, though, it’s like finding a buried treasure!

I recently wandered into a Goodwill store to find some jeans for my son.  I did find a pair for him, which he loves.  While I was there, though, I couldn’t resist browsing for myself.  I was pleased to find several pairs of jeans to try on.  I found the same brand and style in two sizes, but the sizes were one above and one below my normal size.  The bigger ones were way too big. The smaller were a mite snug.  I hadn’t had any luck finding a pair that were my perfect size.  Still, I opted to get the smaller size jeans since they weren’t too tight and the price was right.

In retrospect, I got the perfect size. I’ve had them on all day and they fit just right. They aren’t too tight, they aren’t sliding off my hips. They fit where they are supposed to and I feel good wearing them.  How great is it that they cost less than a quarter of what I would pay for them retail, and they were a size smaller than I’m used to buying!?

I’m an optimist, but it’s not just because I was born this way.  I work at it.  When the horrible things are piling up on the plate of my life, I do my best to look to the dessert plate to remind myself of what’s still sweet and good.  It is a constant and conscious balancing act, but without the effort, I’d be drowning in the mashed potatoes and gravy.   I’m creating a full dessert menu  to help remember the sweet things in life, even when the main dish doesn’t look very appetizing.

During the worst times in my life, focusing in on each moment seems to help me appreciate more.  The day of Sullivan’s funeral, I looked up into the sky and saw a rainbow hanging on the horizon above the trees.  I took it as a sign that he was in a better place and soon I would be too, although hopefully still on the mortal plane of existence.  Now, as I sit here with my back thrown out and hurting, I have taken the time to notice the cat curled up sweetly beside me, to hear the comforting sound of Toph typing away in his office, to know that my children are snuggled safe in their beds  –even though they weren’t all that happy to go to bed in the first place!

I’m always happy when they go to bed, though, because it gives me time to journal.  I often find surprising revelations in my written words.  Although I only journal sporadically, I have several old diaries stashed away.  It’s fun to go back and read what I was writing about through different periods of my life.  I see the times when my thoughts were most turbulent, I was often searching for the rich taste of a “chocolate cake” kind of happiness amidst the split pea soup fog in my head.  Every time the sun has melted the fog away, though, I realize that my table has been spread with dessert plates all the while…I just didn’t look in the right places.

Of course, sometimes, the main course of life is like a big pan of paella: spicy, rich and nourishing for the body and spirit!  Then it’s easy to dismiss the dessert table altogether!

Paella!

I keep getting subtle and not so subtle hints from far flung family and friends that they’d appreciate seeing pictures of the family, especially the kids.  So, here are a few we took this weekend.  These were taken out at one of our favorite parks, near the duck pond there.  The kids spent some time playing on the playground, we strolled a bit and then it was time to head home.

Notice that I’m the only one not wearing red! They do this to me all the time. It’s a conspiracy. They all decide to wear red on the same day and forget to send the memo to me! So then, I wear black and look all out of place when I’m walking with them! lol