Mom is Just a Nickname

I believe that words have power.  Words have the power to touch those around me, to let them know that I care, that I am angry, that I am in love.  Words have the power to shape arguments, to mold dreams, to share fears.  Words have a power greater than we give them credit for, even as we mash and mangle them into all sorts of new expressions with text messaging and online dialects.

I cannot doubt the power of the words I type.  Words evoke emotions, and stir passions.  Be the words typed or spoken, their ability to express my thoughts to others is unsurpassed by any other form of communication.  Words clarify that deep sigh, they crystallize that snort of laughter, and they bring meaning to the *shrugs* I type.

I choose my words carefully.  The words ‘hate’ and ‘love’ carry particular strength and I use each with caution.  Words carry unconscious meanings, subconscious layers of baggage hang on their every vowel and consonant.

Words have power. Words are power, when used correctly.

I participated in NaNoWriMo last year. That’s National Novel Writing Month. It’s in November, and the object of participating is to write the first draft of a novel of at least 50,000 words in those 30 days. It was great, it was horrible, it was amazing, it was painful…and I can’t do it this year.

I hurt myself doing it last year, literally. My hands were in such bad shape by the end that I was handwriting everything and then Toph was typing it all in for me each evening. I could not type. It was torture to sit at my computer. And the effects of the exercise linger today, as I still battle pain in my hands and throughout my body. We think that the experience, the long term inflammation that I created in my body by pushing so hard, caused fibromyalgia (or at least exacerbated the condition enough that it became more than an occasional nuisance that I barely noticed). Now I dread what the winter may bring, because I seem to react adversely to the cold weather. And it doesn’t even get that cold here in Florida. We shall see.

Instead of trying to write 50,000 words in 30 days towards a completely new project, I am taking the months of October, November and December to write 50,000 words and for the most part, I am using the time to flesh out the novel I started last November. I did reach the 50,000 word mark last year, but the story I was left with was incomplete. Many of the scenes I wrote cannot be used in the story now that I am editing and refining the story. So, now I am left to create new scenes, to make the old and the new mesh. With any luck, the effort will push the story along and motivate me to get it edited and eventually submitted for publication.

I am sad that I cannot participate in Nano as it is meant to be done. 50,000 words in a month is truly an exhilarating goal to meet. It requires pushing harder, longer, and faster and sparks all sorts of creative fires inside of me. But I can’t afford another winter like i had last year. So, slow and easy is the route I will take.

Here is my current word count and what I should have written by now to meet my goal of 50K by December 31st:

5,933 words to date/need 9,000 by Sunday to be on pace for the end goal

I did not write at all last week, but the last two days have yielded at least twice my goal word count of 600 per day so I’m catching up.  Expect weekly updates, at least. I don’t think I’ll do daily or even multiple times daily updates as I did last year during Nano.  It got a little ridiculous then.

My house is pulsing with life these days.  I thought I’d give an update on all of my various projects and further prove that my house is full of life.

Our fish tank, which we start in late June, is seething with life.  We have red wag platies, silver lyretail mollies, golden mystery snails, live plants and pond snails.  The pond snails were unwanted hitch-hikers, but they have found our tank very much to their liking.  I can’t even count how many I remove each time I do a water change.  We currently have three adults of each of the other species and an uncountable number of babies in each species as well.  About seven of the first fry have survived and are now about two-thirds the size of the adults.

Much as I despair for my tank with so many fish in it (it’s only a 29 gallon tank, not nearly big enough to hold them all in the long term), it is thrilling to see them all thriving.  There’s something fascinating about realizing how much the fry grow in just twenty-four hours.  I guess I’ll be making phone calls to local pet stores though to see if I can convince anyone to buy the babies, though.  Then we’re looking into getting gauramis or some other fish which will help control the population better.  I thought we’d have no chance to see the fry grow up because everything I’ve read said that if you want the fry to survive, you have to remove them from the adult fishes’ tank.  That hasn’t proven the case in our tank!

Along with our fish tank, we have a betta.  He’s currently living in a jar on the kitchen counter, until he passes quaruntine. Then we’ll see if he will get along in the big tank.  We got him, hoping that he’d help control the pond snail population, but so far he has shown little interest in demolishing them.  I’m also not sure he’ll get along well with the male silver lyretail molly (who has some fancy fins going on).  If not, he’ll go back into a jar where he can keep me company while I do dishes each day.

Also living in my kitchen these days are my worms.  Yes, I got composting worms  and they are now living in my kitchen. It’s just too hot outside for me to leave them out there, even in the garage!  The worms themselves are doing well.  They seem to be happily producing lots of castings for my garden.  Unfortunately, the fruit flies (or some equally nuisancy type of fly) have decided that they like the worm house, too.  So, I’m searching for ways of controlling that population.  Happily, apple cider vinegar and dish soap in a small dish on the counter works well to contain them, but I’d love to find a way to keep them from reproducing to begin with. They are pesky and their presence means I can’t keep a basket of fresh fruit on the counter.

Gardening-wise, my garden is growing slowly.  I have a handful of sunflower plants which are about knee high now.   They survived Fay’s thrashing wind and rain, which is good.  My chrysanthemums didn’t do so well.  I think they got just too wet with all of the water that collected in our backyard with Fay.  Other than that…my basil is doing well.  I have one still in a tiny pot that needs to be given a better home now.  I don’t think any of my oregano has survived, sadly.  I have several thyme plants that are thriving, though.  A couple of moss roses (Portulaca), and forget-me-nots are doing well.  The only catnip which has survived so far are in pots, except for one teeny tiny plant which isn’t showing any signs of getting any bigger.  At least it’s not dead yet though, I guess.

All of the trees my dad sent home with me back in May have died.  Many of the iris have also died.  I didn’t plant them in good places.  If he is gracious enough to send another batch home with me next time I’m down there, I’ll plant them better.  This time, I put them in places too inconvenient…they kept getting mowed down when we mowed the lawn, or drowned by soaking rains.  So, mental note to place them more strategically next time.  The tiger lillies that Dad gave me are doing well, though.  We had several weeks of blooms from one of the plants awhile back!

For my birthday (ugh, I’m 31, now!), I recieved gift cards to a home improvement store!  So, all of that is going towards sprucing up my garden.  Mostly, I want to get an edging or border to define my plant beds, both for the lawn mower and for the grass which likes to creep into the beds I’ve established.  If I can, I’d also like to get some mulch, and maybe some soil to create raised beds near some of the areas which tend to get very wet.  So, the tiger lillies will get a real flower bed, and my herbs will also.  Once the weather turns cooler, it’ll be easier to get out there to take care of them.

In the rare times I sit down to watch a show, I’ll pick up my crochet hook.  I’m working on a blanket for a new baby in the family.  We have three new babies set to arrive in our family soon, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up with them all!  A friend has recently gifted me with quilting material.  I have been playing with the idea of learning to quilt.  Maybe one of the new babies will receive a quilt instead of a crocheted item!  We shall see.

My final big project has been writing.  I actually have had the joy of seeing an article I submitted last fall PUBLISHED!  So, as my family keeps telling me, I can now say I am, in fact, a published writer!  It’s a bit of a thrill to be able to say that.  Certainly opening up that magazine and seeing my name in print has helped me renew my determination to make writing my JOB.  X is in school part time now, so the few morning hours when he’s off at school, I have committed to writing.  I’m editing that torturous novel I wrote last year for NaNoWriMo.  And I’m currently weighing the pros and cons of trying to do NaNo again this year.  Considering the way it killed my wrists and hands last year, I suspect I should not try it again.  That makes me pretty sad, because that month was one of the most exhilarating and inspirational I can remember!

So, a boring blog update, but this is mostly what has been occupying my time lately.

Every once in awhile, the Universe seems to reach out and smack me with a concept. I figure I’m really supposed to learn this point because it will show up every where for awhile. This week it has been the concept of “One River, Many Wells” which is also the name of a book by Matthew Fox, as you can see if you follow the link. I’ve only scratched the surface of this book, but I’ve been intrigued since I read the title. The concept is that there is one shared Truth, but many different ways to arrive at that Truth. (The book describes “Truth” as “Divine” instead. I have altered it for my purposes here.)

The idea so completely encompasses my understanding of the religious world that it struck me. Ever since I began learning about ancient cultures and their creation myths, ever since I began to learn more about the many active religions in the world, the idea that any one system had the ONE and ONLY path to Truth seemed impossible to me. There were similarities to be found in all of the ones I’ve read, and the differences were matters of cultural diversity.

So, it was not a new idea to me, Matthew Fox simply stated it far more clearly than I’d ever heard or tried to express. To think of a single flowing Truth or Divinity that we all tap into in our own unique ways…that’s powerful to me.

Then, I was reading a different book: “How to Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead: Your Words in Print and Your Name in Lights” by Ariel Gore. In a section called “Embrace Your Genius”, she writes,

You have a unique and delicious genius to share. You see this vibrant and vulnerable planet in your own strange way. You draw connections that make you wonder if you’ve lost your mind. Your fears are specific, and alien to me. We’re human kin, you and me and Murakami –when we dig deep enough into our own individual wells, we reach the same universal stream– but the places we’re digging from, they’re different.

It’s not enough to me that we draw from this deep and shared river of Truth, Creativity or Divinity, though. I believe that we not only receive from it, but we, each of us, feed it. Just as many tiny streams feed into the large and sprawling river, so we too have our own unique things to give to the greater Truth. It is not enough to see that there are many paths, we have to acknowledge that each individual path helps make the common Spirit stronger. The sharing of each Personal Truth only makes the Greater Wisdom all the more potent.

We’re somewhere around halfway through J’s summer break from school.  The kids are bored with each other, and I’m bored of refereeing their constant spats.  I need some inspiration for cheap and easy things to do with them at home!  Getting anywhere in town is expensive these days and I’m trying to cut back to only the most basic trips from home.  Combining trips is a lovely idea, but I can only combine so many activities in one day before I’m a worn out mess!

Our fish tank is providing some entertainment at least.  We all three spend a lot of time staring into the tank, studying it, trying to see what the animals are up to now.  Yesterday was an exciting day because we discovered two tiny snails.  We have three large mysterio snails, but these little guys are different.  They must have hitched a ride on some of the new plants we just got!  I know that snails can sometimes take over a tank, but I’ve also read that they can be good for it, so for now, we’ll leave them and let them eat the foul stuff in there.

It was even bigger excitement when we realized that we have some fry in the tank!  The only breeds of fish we have right now red wag platy (4 of them) and silver lyretail mollies (4 of them).  Both breeds are livebearers and we suspected that the two platy females were pregnant within a week of having them home.  I hope there is enough cover for the fry to survive, but if not, I guess we know there’s population control in the tank. (I know, that’s a horrible way to look at it!) We’ve thought about setting a nursery tank, but for now we don’t have the resources to do that.

I’m not sure if it’s the search for something to do or the realization that in about a month X will be starting preschool, but I’ve been weighted down with thoughts of what I’ll be doing once he’s in school.  Toph and I have always agreed that when the kids are both in school, I’d start working – at least part time.  This year is the year to turn my thoughts that way.  X will only be in school for the mornings, which doesn’t give me much time to work a job, but it would give me time to write or do school work.  So, I’m weighing up my options: either I pursue writing far more seriously or I get myself into a school program in order to get a degree.  It begs the questions of what degree I’d get and what kind of writing I want to do.  So, I have a lot on my mind these days.

For now, I guess I’ll succumb to the madness of life with my children.  I’ve had requests to play with bouncy balls in the foyer (oi! I’m ready to hide the darn things!) and we need to go to the library today.  I’ll have to get some pictures of my seedlings and some of the projects me and the kids have done lately.

Here’s hoping your summers are passing more peacefully than mine!