Mom is Just a Nickname

I’m lost. Lost in my children.  Lost in their wants, their needs, their activities, their days.  I’m lost in the way they think, in the way they act, in the way they learn.  Becoming lost in them was a natural occurrence.  Most moms I know have done it.  Even as our children were slowly distinguishing themselves as individuals, we were walking an opposite path into the world of interdependence.

I woke up one day and wondered who I really was.  All I could think of is, “I’m a mom.”  Surely, my brain said, surely I’m more than just a mom! Surely I have interests outside of motherhood!  But I didn’t.  Every single thing I’d taken the time to learn about in the years I’d been a mother had  to do with  some aspect of my children or motherhood.  I became knowledgeable about birth, breastfeeding, diapering alternatives, child development, child entertainment…well, the list goes on.  The things I used to spend hours caring about had fallen to the wayside.

I didn’t do crafts anymore, not even child related crafts!  I didn’t read much that couldn’t be put down easily (a la magazines or Harlequins) and I didn’t go anywhere unless it was a child-friendly place.  I couldn’t have a conversation about current world events, politics or even recent movies.  All of my conversation topics centered around my kids; and let’s face it, most people don’t want to hear about my kids’ latest illness or potty training successes!

I realized that I had lost myself in my children; I had let my role as their mother define who I am as a person.

This discovery has led me to a new season of my life and new chances to grow.  Since beginning on this new path, I’ve learned how to make jewelry, how to paint a mural, how to knit and I’m learning other things every day.  When I go to the library, I search out new genres of books, I pick books from the nonfiction section, I seek out things I don’t know about so that I can learn.

Through the process of learning new things, I’m learning about who I am. I relearning what I find enjoyable for myself, instead of for my kids.  I’m relearning all of the joys of living life as a person, not just as a Mom.